As I’ve previously mentioned, ive been in a slump for a while… About a year in fact. Maybe more. Over the last month or so, I have been *seemingly* coming out of it. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have periodic low points. Today sort of felt like that, although luckily not for the entire day. I woke up feeling bad about myself because of drinking last night and not working out. Like really bad about myself. I tried to snap out of my mood by walking the pups and having a healthy breakfast:
I was feeling slightly better when we went to Lowe’s… But then I had to walk in front of approximately 1 million mirrors (fuck you, bathroom department and your mirrored medicine cabinets) give or take. And I hated LITERALLY everything I saw. My legs, in particular, were the source of my anger/embarrassment/sadness today. It started to make me in a terrible mood. Like really terrible. And i won’t pretend it didn’t last for a while.
However the difference is, it didn’t keep me down all day. I remembered that those legs have carried me across the finish line of two marathons, through countless yoga classes, and allowed me to walk and bike around Quebec City last weekend. Their diameter, like the number on the scale, doesn’t define me. I can keep working on myself and it’s OK to have the goal to want to be healthier (even potentially lose weight) but I need to continue to love myself and my body in the process. Nothing good comes out of hate. Nothing. Even/especially self-hate.
So this time, magically, I moved on. I went home and made the same salad I made yesterday. I went for a 4 mile run. And I met my sister for a healthy vegetarian dinner. And I’m going to go into my Monday feeling like this weekend was a win. Even if my eating wasn’t totally consistent and if I ate too much. I think that part will come.
Anddddd that’s enough deep thoughts for a Sunday.
For completeness sake: dinner was brussel sprouts followed by vegan curry and brown rice and 2 glasses of red wine. My snack today was kombucha and 2 pretzels (seriously only 2!) during the Pats game.
On to Monday.