If the dress *barely* fits… wear it?

Sometimes I feel sorry for myself. Sometimes I ask myself how I got here. How someone who honestly does care so much about taking care of herself, could put on 20 pounds and “let herself go”. But I think that was part of the whole issue. I had to let part of myself go in order to “start over” and figure out who I was going to be. And my body took a back seat. I fed myself foods that don’t make me or my body happy. I continued exercising, but I chose workouts that didn’t nourish me mentally. I half heartedly trained for a marathon… And it made me hate running for a while. Running! The exercise that previously was used as a way to clear my head and was a part of my almost daily routine. And now here I am. That’s how I got here. Standing in front of this mirror in tears because this dress used to be so loose I had to belt it. And now, it is snug and barely fit over my hips as I yanked it on this morning and you can see where it pulls (please excuse the bathroom selfie):

So I debated…. Do I wear it even though it is a constant reminder that I’m not the same size that I used to be? Or do I throw it onto the bed like so many of my discarded outfits lately, and put on something loose and flowy to hide what I am right now. Do you know what? As hard as it was and is today to wear this, I’m choosing to at least try to celebrate my new hips, my bigger booty, and my soft tummy. Because they all have served a purpose for me over the past year. They may not serve a purpose anymore, and they may go away (truthfully I hope they do), but I refuse to hate my body as it is right now. I’ve been doing that for too long now and it’s only making matters worse. So I’m wearing it and hoping it doesn’t rip today ;) 

I moved on with my day and had eggs, Kim chi (good for gut health) and a half of an avocado for breakfast . I had a disappointing pear that I only ate half of as a snack. Lunch was leftover soup (still SO good). And dinner was supposed tobe quinoa  spaghetti with lentil bolognese, but I wasn’t feeling it so I got fish (Arctic char), mashed cauliflower, and roasted broccoli. I intended to run and do you today, but I missed he entire workout due to unforeseen circumstances. The only real win was that I didn’t go to the store and buy wine to drown my sorrows. I forgot to take pics, but you know what fish looks like ;) Recipe for mashed cauliflower is here, I just added garlic powder:



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